Thursday, November 19, 2009

Ask Magdalen

Sometimes you're faced with a dilemma in your daily life. Maybe it's a complicated ethical situation, maybe it's figuring out which dishes to buy. Why decide these things for yourself when you can ask someone else and accept their answer?

Actually that sounds horrible to me, but apparently people like it, or at least they like hearing opinions about their problems, so I am hereby dedicating this section of my blog to answering any pesky ethical or Dobbsian theological questions for anyone who wants to know what I, as a Doktor of Forbidden Science, think about their problem.

I got the idea for this feature from the Ayatollahs of the Middle East, who perform this service for their congregants, so I'll also just modify the rules laid out by Ayatollah Sistani for what type of questions I'll answer:

1) I do not reply to questions related to organizations, companies and institutes whose names have been mentioned in the question.

2) I do not reply to lengthy messages containing many questions due a heavy load of tasks.

3) I do not reply to suppositional and purely scientific issues – ones that are not dealt with by people in their daily lives – or questions that deal with the explanation of the terms used in the Book of the SubGenius.

4) In matters of dispute between two individuals, it is necessary to know the opinion and arguments of both sides; to hear the view of one of them is not sufficient.

5) Questions on X-Day and the settlement of disputes by Thunderdome must be sent with existing related documents which must be enclosed or attached with the mail [fees apply].

6) I do not reply to sensitive questions as there is no expediency in answering them. Make of that what you will.

7) I do not reply to questions about individuals or people whose real names are mentioned.

8) I receive emails from all over the world everyday from important Nigerian widows who have big business opportunities for me, so it may take me a long time to answer your question, or I may never answer if it is not expedient under Dobbsian thaumaturgy.

To submit your question simply ask it in the comments below, or send an email to!! At last your uncertainty is over, Praise "Bob"!

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